Just ignore the following whine...
My sister had a baby boy today. I’m so grateful that with her first she allowed my mother into the surgical suite for the Cesarean. When my oldest was born, my mother refused to come help me because “you aren’t a real mother if you didn’t have your children vaginally.” So I had an 8 pound 14 oz baby that I couldn’t lift because she was beyond my weight limit. Thank goodness for a great husband. My apartment got really messy since I couldn’t vacuum for 8 weeks and my husband was so tired after work and school that it didn’t get done. Of course with selective memory, my mom claims that my husband wouldn’t let her come clean. That didn’t happen until the 3rd when my husband knew I would be emotionally overwrought after having to deal with her snide remarks and refusal to do things my way. My sisters say that I need to just forget the rudeness and the hurt because after all, that’s just mom. She doesn’t mean to hurt people but she does. Dad blames it on cultural differences. My husband is convinced she does it on purpose. Her brother says she’s just socially naive. She tells me not to believe anything her brother says because she believes he takes advantage of people.She does wonderful things too, the favorite family story is the week she picked up a hitchhiker and took him to Disneyland. My sisters say that I need to give up my hurt and just be nicer to mom. But it’s not that easy when she rubs my nose in things like marrying a man that she didn’t like (but who I still adore 19 years later), denies that she ever did anything that hurt me (both emotionally and physically), and accuses me of not doing enough to help my son with learning challenges (He would be fine if I let him move in with her, you know).
My friends tell me to just ignore her and live my life. As Dr. Laura says, there are two chances to have a mother/daughter relationship. If it was miserable when you were a daughter, you have a 2nd chance when you are the mother. I just hope my daughter doesn’t consider me the PITA that I consider my mother. Of course, I do expect to vacuum my daughter’s house when she has her kids, if she wants me there.
posted by Shondratasha @ 17:45
3 Comments:
(((Stasha))) I have similar issues with my mother having "selective memory" and being great to other people but not her own kids. It sucks. Congrats on the birth of your nephew, though!
{{Stasha}} She sounds a lot like my MIL. You are a great mom and it sounds like you and your DD have a great relationship! That is something to be proud of!!
(((((((hugs)))))))
You can't forget what was done, you can't forgive her for what she did. Siblings never see things the same way we do, since they rarely face the same things. You can't just pretend it never happened, that's dumb. You can try and limit contact with her, and basically ignore what she has to say now. Rant and rave to your friends, 'cause thats what we're here for. But try not to take what she says to heart. I have to do the same thing with my mom. And like you, I hope I will have a good relationship with my DD. Like you do. And will continue to have.
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